


A Sirius Wish

by wolfiefics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hermes the messenger of the gods, Humor, I hope, I know nothing of Africa, M/M, also including, an amused African trickster, except what I learned in movies, various other Greek dieties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfiefics/pseuds/wolfiefics
Summary: Allowed to return and not die, Sirius discovers his best friend unhappy. Time passes and Sirius disappears into the wilds of the Earth. Remus, prompted by the god Hermes, enlists Severus aide to find him, despite the residual bad feeling regarding their breakup. Chaos ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Snupin Santa gift for sweetmelodykiss in 2010. Warning: the Italian is probably butchered. I got the translation from Babelfish. Anyone who speaks Italian wants to correct it, by all means, I appreciate the assistance.
> 
> HISTORICAL FOOTNOTE TO PROVE I'M NOT MAKING STUFF UP: "On these [the Indian] mountains there live men with the head of a dog, whose clothing is the skin of wild beasts. They speak no language, but bark like dogs, and in this manner make themselves understood by each other. Their teeth are larger than those of dogs, their nails like those of these animals, but longer and rounder. They inhabit the mountains as far as the river Indos. Their complexion is swarthy. They are extremely just, like the rest of the Indians with whom they associate. They understand the Indian language but are unable to converse, only barking or making signs with their hands and fingers by way of reply, like the deaf and dumb. They are called by the Indians Kalystrii, in Greek Kynocephaloi (dog-headed)." - Ctesias, Indica Fragment (summary from Photius, Myriobiblon 72) (trans. Freese) (Greek historian Circa 4th B.C.)

Sirius Black stepped into the cavern, it's dark recesses made spooky by dim torchlight flickering along a path to a wide, fathomless river. A long, wooden boat bobbed on unseen waves, the chains mooring it to the river's shore making an eerie clink. A lone figure stood at the prow as if waiting for Sirius' arrival. It took Sirius' brain a moment to catch up. He'd been fighting Bellatrix Lestrange at the Ministry, trying to defend James' son, Harry, from her rather demented grasp. And the grasp of her even more demented master, Lord Voldemort. A flash of green, intense cold and then- Sirius' brow furrowed, for he could remember nothing else after.

He approached the boat, stepping carefully for the path was not smooth and difficult to traverse in the dim torchlight. "Um," he said, unsure what to say. "Hullo. I'm confused."

"Funny, I thought you were Sirius Black." 

Sirius' frown deepened. The voice did not come from the figure before him, bobbing with the boat on the river's ebb. "Excuse me?"

There was a heavy, mock-sigh from behind him and Sirius whirled to face the most absurd human being he'd ever seen. Atop a golden mass of curly hair was a jaunty hat similar to that of Robin Hood from the old Muggle films that Lily forced James and Sirius to watch many years ago. A single, solid gold feather waved at him in cocky disregard to the fact that it shouldn't be flexible enough to bend like a normal feather, let alone with the shine of a new gold Galleon. A snowy white tunic crossed over half the man's torso, belted at the waist by a shiny gold braided cord, glinting much like the feather. 

The man's physique was whipcord lean, except for his impressive muscular legs like those of a runner and a broad chest like that of an archer. His skin was burnished the bronze of someone who spent much time in the sunnier climates of the world and his eyes burned with mischievous fire within the silvery-blue depths. The strange being floated on winged gold sandals, the little wings beating faster than any hummingbird, making an almost tinny whirring sound that was strangely soothing. Slung around his left shoulder was a battered brown leather bag with scrolls sticking out in a haphazard mess.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in inquiry and the being before him smirked. "You said you were confused. I said I thought you were Sirius Black." The man, for lack of a better term, tipped his head to one side and his smirk grew. "I'm a god, you know, so I should know whether or not you are Sirius Black." He tapped a blunt tipped index finger against a classically cleft chin thoughtfully. "Maybe you are right. Maybe you are confused."

Sirius raised the second eyebrow to match the first. "A god?" he asked with a bit of disbelief. "Which pantheon?"

The man guffawed. "Big word for a Gryffindor, isn't it? Pantheon?" Sirius scowled at him. With a flourish of his hat, the man bowed theatrically. "I am Hermes, son of Zeus, brother to Apollo and Aphrodite, trickster, messenger and all-around scalawag. I have long admired your work, Sirius Black, you and your fellow Marauders. Shame about Peter Pettigrew, but even the best tricksters have a bad egg in the bunch on occasion. James Potter was a masterpiece in himself but Remus Lupin..." The god's words trailed off into what seemed to be a perpetual smirk. "A shame he's lost his fire, now that you're gone."

"What?" Sirius exclaimed. "No! Remus, he deserves fire, he deserves..." Sirius grimaced, unable to find the words to adequately express his feeling for what Remus deserved.

Hermes gave Sirius a knowing grin and tossed a round object at the floundering man. "Eat that and we'll talk."

Sirius eyed the pomegranate warily. "I thought that if you ate something in Hades you had to remain," he commented, turning instead to toss the fruit to the figure in the boat.

Hermes gave Sirius an approving look. "Sorry, old habits die hard. Couldn't resist." He turned to the boatman. "Tell your master, Charon, that he won't get Mister Black this day." Charon gave Hermes a sour look, glowered at Sirius, reached down to unchain the boat and pushed off from the shore with a long pole. "Come, Sirius... may I call you Sirius? An old enemy of yours has to save your life so that you may save both his and Remus'."

"What are you talking abo-" Sirius felt a jerk in his midriff not unlike the pull of going through the Floo Network. He blinked his eyes in the bright light of the battlefield he'd vanished from only moments before just in time for all hell to break loose around him.

All those in the Ministry fight plus a couple of unconscious Death Eaters surrounded him. A stunned Remus Lupin, gold-brown eyes glittering with unshed tears of fear and relief, awkwardly patted Sirius' hand and then looked sharply up at someone, the fear replaced by anger. "You fool! What were you thinking?"

There was a derisive sniff and a sneering voice answered, a voice that Sirius knew only too well. "Fine. Next time I'll let the mangy mutt become a permanent resident of the afterlife and you can moan over yet another lost friend alone, without my shoulder to cry on, you ungrateful git." Footsteps tapped away, accompanied with the rustle of stiff material; Sirius could just imagine Severus Snape's billowing cloak and stalking walk as he left.

"Remus," he moaned tiredly, exhausted by his near-death, "what have you done, you idiot?"

"Me?" exclaimed Remus, helping Kingsley Shacklebolt to lift Sirius unsteadily to his feet. "Severus worked all his life to be in the perfect position of being a spy within the Death Eaters and he blew it tonight saving you."

"Gee, thanks, my best friend in the whole wide world," Sirius muttered sarcastically.

Remus paused, realizing how his words sounded. "Not that I'm not glad you're alive and well, Sirius," Remus said as he gave Sirius a relieved hug, "but his work within the Death Eaters is invaluable."

"We'll muddle through," Sirius told his friend, thinking that Hermes better have something up his tricky sleeve to compensate for this. "We always do." He then wondered if this was the saving of his life that would enable him to save both the lives of Remus and Severus.


	2. Chapter 2

Four years later  
December 14

The misty tops of the mountains were magnificent to behold in their cold, ageless beauty. Remus Lupin doubted they changed little since the time of the Mongol raiders or perhaps even Alexander the Great's army. His arm shook a little with fatigue as he grasped at another handhold, hauling himself upward. Just a few more meters and he'd reach the top. The top where he could rest, camp for the night and determine his next move.

For months he'd been following clues left in ancient Muggle and wizard writers about a tribe of 'dog-men'. He didn't really believe the tribe of fantastical creatures existed but he wasn't paid to offer his learned opinion. He was paid to prove or disprove the fables. As a Cercatore di Favole, a seeker of fables, it was his mission to seek out the ludicrous, highly improbable and unbelievable in the name of scientific clarification. 

The Societa di Mitologia e di Scienza, the Society of Mythology and Science, was an organization begun in the mid-1200s by Italian scientists fascinated with the translation of the Greek, Roman and Persian philosophers, historians and scientists brought by the Crusading armies from the Islamic world. With access once again available in Western Europe to these tracts and treatises on government, law, philosophy, science, history, and literature, interest in the unexplained and unbelievable consumed these men and they formed a society to seek out the fantastic and mythic. Over the years, the Societa di Mitologia e di Scienza fell from favor but renewed interest in the 'supernatural' sent new expeditions looking for things like dog-men or sea monsters. Remus was happy to have a job that allowed him to travel, paid well, and was intellectually stimulating. 

So far he'd confirmed the existence of the yeti, the thunderbird, and made friends with the Olympian gods. The chupacubra nearly ate him right before his own transformation into a werewolf in Brazil, which caused no end of trouble with the locals. Thankfully both he and the bear-like creature managed to escape the little village's hysteria relatively unscathed, but the incident got Remus banished to the back of beyond, or rather part of the Caucasus Mountains in northern Iran.

With a heavy grunt, Remus pulled himself up onto the plateau and rested. He gazed out, eye level with a mountainous heaven, and then he peeked down where he'd come, satisfaction gleaming in the depths of his amber-colored eyes. 

"It's a long freaking way down there, y'know," chirped an irritatingly happy voice from behind him. Remus jumped and twisted around to face his companion.

"Hermes," Remus breathed in relief. "Don't do that! I could have fallen over the edge."

Hermes gave Remus a smug smile, hovering slightly in the air; the wings on his sandals whirring like a hummingbird's wings to keep the god aloft. "That would be why I commented on the distance to the bottom," he informed Remus slyly. "Don't fall."

Remus made a face and sighed. "What do I owe the pleasure of your company, oh great Hermes?"

Hermes chortled gleefully. "Telegram!" He presented Remus with a rolled scroll with a flourish. Remus took the scroll, unrolled it, read and paled. Hermes' chortle turned to outright laughter. "Oh you should see your face!" he crowed with delight.

"Is this for real?" Remus demanded, brandishing the scroll.

Hermes arched an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"The wrong mountain top?" Remus wanted to cry. It had taken him all day, starting just before dawn, to reach this plateau and he had to climb down and clamber up another one?

"You didn't think dog-men would be this easy to find, did you?" asked the god with a smirk.

"But you told me..." Remus' voice trailed off. "Trickster." Hermes grinned unrepentantly at him. "Could I beg a favor of the god before me and get some help down in safety?"

"Do you want to keep your lunch while you do it?" asked Hermes solicitously. 

"It would be appreciated," Remus stated. The last time he'd asked for Hermes help, he wound up losing breakfast and lunch, undergoing a freefall from the upper canopy of an Amazonian rainforest that the god stopped just shy of Remus becoming a werewolf pancake.

Remus blinked and found himself sitting next to the campfire he extinguished ten hours before. He looked up...where he'd been only a moment ago. "Thank you, Hermes," he said gravely.

"Not a problem!" grinned Hermes, giving Remus a salute and brandishing his pouch full of message scrolls. "I didn't stop by just to torment you, that was an added bonus. I needed to ask you if you know a wizard by the name of Severus Snape of Spinner's End?"

Remus arched a curious eyebrow. "Yes, I know Severus. I went to school with him at Hogwarts." He winced as Hermes went into an oddball rendition of the Hogwarts school song to a tune Remus thought was David Bowie's "China Girl". The two didn't blend very well. Once the god was finished punishing Remus' ears and sanity, he asked politely, "Why do you ask?"

Hermes tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe you should come with me."

"I really need to finish this job first, Hermes," Remus told him. 

Hermes frowned at Remus for a moment before the god's perky nature overcame the seriousness. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why this search for the bizarre and unexplained, Remus John Lupin?" The question was honestly asked so Remus attempted an honest answer.

"Because I seek knowledge, I suppose, and whether they are found or not, a sincere attempt has been made to find these creatures, beings, and places."

"So if you don't find them, they can't be found?" Hermes' eyes narrowed.

Remus stiffened. "I'm not that arrogant, oh Messenger of the Gods. It is a sincere attempt by me to find them, an accomplishment that I can hold to all and say 'See? I tried.' I can also add my experiences and knowledge to the lists of those who came before for those who will attempt to seek and find in the future. Heinrich Schliemann," he added as if that explained everything.

Hermes resorted to mortal vernacular. "Huh?"

"Heinrich Schliemann found Troy when everyone said it was a fairy tale, a myth, not reality. He found it though; or rather it's remains. The Iliad may not have occurred as written by Homer, but the place did exist. He went by the histories and literature written by the ancients to find it. Why can someone else not do the same?" Remus spread his hands out in a 'why not?' gesture.

Hermes pondered that a long moment, nodded and smiled a broad, pleased smile. "Excellent answer, Remus John Lupin. The gods are pleased with your response. You are just what we are looking for."

"What!" exclaimed Remus in alarm right before Hermes grabbed his arm and darkness fell over Remus' consciousness.

* * *

Severus Snape was NOT having a good day. He rarely had good days anymore, especially now that he was a bonafide hero complete with the Order of Merlin First Class medal proudly displayed in its case on his sitting room mantel. With glory, he discovered, came fame, and fame sucked rotten eggs. He now (slightly) regretted all his haranguing Potter Junior about being a fame seeker. Now that he sought and found his own fame, Severus was more than willing to toss it over for a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. His cupboards were bare. Fame got great camera angles in the Daily Prophet but it did not conjure food.

Grumbling to himself about the inconvenience of grocery shopping at the Muggle supermarket, Severus jerked open his front door to stalk out it, only to run into a heart-stoppingly familiar form. Remus Lupin's hand was poised to knock and he only just missed bonking Severus on the nose.

"Oh!" exclaimed the werewolf with a start. "Hullo, Severus!"

The region somewhere in the location of Severus' stomach lurched. The sight of Remus always gave him a nauseous feeling since their rather rousing break-up right after Potter's attack on the Ministry of Magic those many years ago. The fact that Severus had blown his cover with the Death Eaters to save the life of Remus' best friend had only enraged the lycanthrope. The ensuing fight (where Remus seemed to sputter a lot about Severus putting himself in danger as if he hadn't been in danger before) caused them to split. Remus had also been overly concerned that Severus couldn't spy anymore, whereas before he'd done nothing but fret about Severus doing just that and the risk it involved. They interacted only when necessary during the war and not at all at war's end. Even Sirius Black's surprisingly heartfelt attempts at getting them reconciled fell flat. Yet now Remus was here and Severus couldn't help wondering why, even though his heart leapt at the thought of a possible reconciliation. Fame apparently didn't get him dates anymore than it got him food on the table.

"You're back in England," Severus noted intelligently. He inwardly winced. 'Brilliant, Snape,' he thought to himself. 

"Er, yes," agreed Remus, looking as awkward as Severus felt. "Can I come in?"

Severus' brilliant repartee kicked in again and he replied, "I was going to the market. I'm out of food." He inwardly groaned. 'Moron!'

Remus blinked. "Oh."

"You two are idiots, you know that?" For the first time, Severus noted the man with Remus and his heart sunk to meet his fluttery stomach. The man was, well, a god in human form, absolutely beautiful and half-naked. He was obviously with Remus, hovering over the other man.

Severus blinked twice. Hovering literally, it seemed. He glanced down at the winged sandals and frowned. "And you are?" he asked, drawing himself up haughtily and putting a nice emphasizing sneer to the words.

"Hermes, Messenger of the Olympian Gods." Hermes stuck a hand out and Severus automatically reached to shake it, only to receive a scroll in his hand instead. "That's for you. Remus is here, you are here, and now you'll receive your assignment." Music from a lyre sounded from somewhere unknown, the Mission Impossible theme and Hermes dropped his voice dramatically. "Sirius Black has gone missing. Hades granted him a reprieve at the Ministry of Magic and he seems to have abused it. Your mission, should you both choose to accept it, will be to find him before Hades decides to bother. Those scrolls will not self-destruct in five seconds." Hermes rubbed his hands together gleefully, whacked Remus manfully on the back and vanished.

He didn't flutter away, he didn't poof as if he'd Apparated, he freaking just wasn't there anymore. Severus took an alarmed step back. "Who in the name of anything Neville Longbottom can blow up was that?"

"Hermes. I've been working for the Olympians, or rather a subsidiary company owned by them, hunting down myths, legends and lore." Remus gestured to the walk leading away from the dilapidated house on Spinner's End. "You needed to go to the market? We should probably stock up on suppli-" Remus barked out an impolite exclamation as his scroll began to smoke. Severus threw his toward the metal trash bin by the yard gate as his did the same.

The two wizards looked at each other and said in unison, "Not five seconds."


	3. Chapter 3

December 15

Remus tried to not stare at Severus' rear but really, it was a nice rear and hard to not stare at. It also didn't help that Severus was bent over, digging for something in a hall closet, his nice rear at eye level as Remus made his way up the stairs to the second level. The urge to reach out for a pat was almost irresistible...almost. Remus liked his hand intact, thank you very much. He missed Severus' companionship, more than he thought he should. The sex had been mind-blowing but the companionship had been more than Remus ever dreamed of. Severus was a bundle of energy deceptively shrouded in snark, dry wit disguised with sneers of derision, and heartfelt affection hampered by insecurity.

"Ah-ha!" crowed Severus, righting himself and turning sharply on a heel. His fathomless black eyes narrowed as he noticed Remus standing there, staring at his crotch...or rather where his rear had just recently been. "See something you like?" he inquired with sugary sweetness that was a warning of imminent biting sarcasm.

"Actually, yes, but then you know that," Remus answered him. "What was the ah-ha for?" He motioned to the bundle of letters and postcards in Severus' hand. Severus thrust them at him and marched down the stairs with a disapproving sniff. Remus barked a startled laugh. "Sirius had been sending you letters?" he asked incredulously. "Why?"

"Because I answer him, even if he is a great git," Severus retorted. "Most of them consist of bitching because neither you nor Potter Junior bother replying to him." 

Remus felt a twinge of guilt. The past two years it had been because Remus rarely got them, not having a stable address to send mail to. "I see," he replied awkwardly. "But why do you have them buried in the hall closet?"

Severus gave Remus a look of surprise. "Did you read who they are for, you loony lycanthrope?" Remus frowned and flicked through them. Most were addressed to Remus J. Lupin c/o Severus T. Snape. "The mutt returned from his brief brush with death an eternal optimist. With a letter to me comes a letter to you, with a postscript in my letter that he hopes we've come to our senses." Severus stepped into his sitting room, there was the sound of a drawer opening and closing and Severus reappeared in the tiny foyer holding another bundle of letters and postcards. "These are mine. Let's look through for clues as to where he's been, what's he's been doing and where he's likely to go next."

"What has he been doing since the war ended and he's no longer suspected of being a homicidal lunatic?" Remus inquired somewhat shamefacedly. The war's end had been brutal and many Order members had fled to the far corners of the world if they could to heal and mourn.

"He's been conducting safari-type expeditions in some of the more magically dangerous places in the world." Severus frowned over a postcard dated two months ago in Tanzania, Africa. "Sirius made Bill Weasley show him around some of the safer Egyptian tombs and graves, the ones with the occasional zombie or mean ghost. He also set up a tour of the old catacombs underneath Washington D.C. and the underground caves beneath Pompeii and Herculaneum. There's a few spots in China, India and Central America that he conducts tours through as well, but what the specifics are on them, I've no idea. An occasional sacrifice to Shiva maybe, or perhaps some Aztec jaguar god." He handed the post card to Remus, pointing out the address in Africa. "That's fairly recent. Says he's heading north looking for some spooked ruins."

"You got a map of Africa here somewhere, Severus?" Remus asked, frowning at a letter to him posted at around the same time. "Something about someplace along the Nile. What is this about white and blue Nile?"

Severus snorted. "Were you awake in your geography classes at any time in your academic life? They are called the White and Blue Nile because of the soil taint in the water. They are two branches of the main river coming from two different areas of central Africa to merge into the main Nile River proper that feeds into the Mediterranean Sea." Severus halted his lecture to look up. "Why the interest in the sections of the Nile?"

"He says here he's following the White Nile from Lake Victoria to Khartoum in the Sudan and then he's going to go upriver on the Blue Nile into Ethiopia but he doesn't say why." Remus refolded the paper and tapped it against his palm thoughtfully. "This cannot be coincidence."

Severus' brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" He licked his dry lips and felt Remus' gaze rivet on them. Severus shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Stop staring at my face and tell me what you mean."

Remus shook himself. When Severus licked his lips, Remus' memory flashed a vision of that same tongue trailing a wet trail seductively along Remus' belly years ago. He cursed himself silently and answered Severus' question. "I was hunting Kynocephaloi from Herodotus and Ctesias in the Caucasus Mountains when Hermes brought me here. Rumors of the dog-men also come from the region of Ethiopia and the Sudan."

Severus hummed in thought. "What have you been doing these couple of years?" he inquired casually. Remus sat back with a sigh and explained. "And this is how you got involved with the Olympians?"

Remus snorted. "Involved is such a mild word, Severus." He stood up and put his teacup in the sink, staring out the window. "I'm still not sure what I did but I got the attention of Aphrodite, and from her Hermes, who seems to think of me as his personal pet to play with and torment at his discretion. It's been nothing malicious but I swear a couple times he put more grey in my hair." Remus felt his lips pull into a wry smile. "Rather like you did when you spied on the Death Eaters but more dramatic."

"I was never malicious toward you, even by accident." Severus' voice was soft.

"Not entirely true," Remus chided, "but I knew you never meant it so." He turned to see Severus' troubled look. "I missed you, Severus."

"You're the one who walked away, not me," Severus reminded him, standing up as well. His body was rigidly in defiant agitation.

"I know," Remus told him softly. "And I do regret it. I was more frustrated with your actions and the reasons behind them than anything." He sighed. "It's done now though, right?"

"I suppose, but let me tell you, fame and glory make for poor company." Severus stalked from the kitchen, ending the conversation and leaving Remus staring at him in stunned revelation.

"So are we leaving for Africa then?" Remus called, his heart beating in rapid tattoo of hopefulness. Did Severus' words mean that after they found Sirius the two of them could, perhaps, reconcile and be together once more?

"Unless you feel the urge to visit Tibet instead!" Severus' growl came from the stairs where he climbed to his bedroom to pack for Africa.

* * *

"They aren't the brightest bulbs on the tree, are they?" noted Apollo. 

"They aren't even plugged into the socket, brother mine," parried Hermes with an exasperated look at the two mortals bustling around the Snape home, readying for their trip to Africa.

"I don't know," cooed a smug feminine voice that made both gods tense, "they are getting a clue. Being male, getting a clue takes a bit longer."

"Sister Aphrodite," greeted Apollo warily. Hermes flashed the beautiful sable-haired goddess a beatific smile in the hopes that she wouldn't make him do anything undignified. The last time Hermes crossed verbal swords with his sister, she'd made him chase the ugliest damned nymph on the planet for three months. Apollo still howled with laughter when it was brought up.

"How is our bait?" she asked, violet-blue eyes widening in curious wonder. She flicked a hand a before them a cloud parted to show Sirius Black sitting on a rather uncomfortable looking rock, sweating and panting as he sipped some water from his canteen. "Mmm," she purred, her cheeks flushing with passionate interest, "I love a sweaty, tired man."

Both gods wisely kept their mouths shut.

"I suppose I can't play because he'll get angry with me for disrupting the gift?" Aphrodite scowled a moment and then gave a shrug of her dainty, alabaster shoulders. "Maybe I can ask for him as a gift?" She gave a throaty laugh and disappeared, hopefully to cause mischief with Hermes' partner-in-crime.

"How do you get yourself involved in these things?" Apollo asked. "I mean, I'm certain your deal with him had nothing to do with our sister sticking her rather pert nose into this business."

"When it comes to this guy, I don't bother. I just do what I'm told until my debt is paid."

"I told you to watch the air traffic lanes," Apollo told him with little sympathy. 

Hermes sighed. "I know, I know."


	4. Chapter 4

December 19

"I'm hot."

"Yes, Severus."

"I'm sweating like a goat newly introduced to Aberforth Dumbledore."

"Yes, Severus."

"Is the mangy mutt worth this much effort?"

"You saved his life, Severus, what do you think?"

Severus muttered something that Remus didn't catch. He turned around from his seat at the cabin boat's prow. "What was that?"

"I said," Severus informed him mutinously, black eyes flickering with some emotion Remus couldn't identify, "I saved his life only for him to ruin mine."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus demanded irritably.

"I saved him so I wouldn't have to lose you to grief. Instead I lost you due to your own pig-headed stupidity that I could care enough about you to save your best friend's life, you unimaginably moronic twit!" snapped Severus and then he stalked to the tiny little cabin behind where their pilot navigated the boat.

Remus blinked in surprise. Severus had done nothing but moan, whine and complain the entire trip. Of course, the trip was a disaster rivaling Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn's in the African Queen (without the love story part), complete with Severus bathing in the river and coming up with leeches all over. He was also roughly the color of a pock-marked and peeling lobster, due to the intense sun on his pale skin and the mosquitoes who seemed to find Snape blood much more appetizing than the Lupin variety. 

With an inward groan, Remus stood up to join Severus, to try and attempt to bring his former lover to a better frame of mind. "Hey," he said, sitting down on the tiny bunk next to Severus' hunched and miserable form. "What's wrong, other than the obvious?" Severus' shoulders gave an ambivalent shrug. "Are you regretting us hunting down Sirius?"

"If the mutt got himself in trouble because he's dumb as a fencepost, why do I save him a second time? Look how well it turned out for me last time."

"Er." Remus couldn't honestly answer that any more intelligently.

"Look at me. I'm not a vain man normally, not with this nose and hair that stays non-oily no longer than a minute out of the shower, but I look like a plague victim."

Remus looked Severus over very carefully. That he could answer and honestly. "Other than the travesty that's happened to you on this trip, you look like the Severus I've always known, nose and all."

Severus eyed him skeptically. "Is that a good thing?"

"Yes," Remus told him with a small smile, "its a very good thing."

Severus hesitated for a moment before giving into the impulse he'd been fighting for three days. He leaned over and pressed his lips against Remus' carefully. Their lips remained closed, suggesting so much more in the future if Remus wanted it. Severus then lay back down, rolling over so that his back faced Remus. Remus touched his lips with his tongue.

"Mistah Remus!" called Berihun, their pilot. A friend of Professor Minerva McGonagall's, Berihun Abiyote was a wizard with a gift for transfiguration, mostly animal to mineral transmutation, a feat which made Remus' head spin with the complicated theorems the man had gone through to make such a thing possible. Minerva, upon hearing of Remus and Severus' quest for Sirius, had given them Berihun's name, stating that he often traveled up and down the Nile in the course of his research and would be happy to help out friends of hers.

"Yes?" Remus came out of the cabin and entered the small pilot's room. 

"Have to watch out here soon. Muggle military and revolutionaries sometimes see through the spells and enchantments on my boat. First sign of anything magical, though, they flee but we need to be on the watch." Berihun flicked a gaze over his shoulder in the direction of the compartment where Severus rested. "How's he doing?"

Remus grimaced. "Grumpy."

"He no want to come then?"

"No, he wanted to, but this hasn't been a pleasant trip, as you know. I think the leeches were the insult to the injury of sunburn and mosquitoes feasting on him. He's pretty much miserable."

"No part of Africa for the faint of heart."

"There's no lack of spine in Severus Snape, I assure you, Berihun," Remus informed the man, his eyes scanning the banks in front of them for any sign of imminent attack. "His body just isn't made for intense sun, extensive mosquito bites and the liberal attachment of leeches."

Berihun chuckled. "As to that, whose is?" The two men shared a guilty grin. "You know where you want to start looking for Mistah Black?"

Remus looked at the map of Ethiopia Berihun had hanging from a giant pegboard on the back wall of the pilot's room. "Where are we?"

"Coming up on Marta by dusk. Just beyond it is a small village friendly to me."

Remus thought a moment. "How long until we get to Lake Tana?"

Berihun flashed a smile, a slash of ivory in his rich brown skin. "Considering how much I've magically tweaked this boat and the distance we've covered in three days take Muggles seven or eight, a couple more days easy. And that's with stops."

"Do we have to make stops?" asked Remus, still calculating in his head.

"We need fuel, but we stock extra and push through. What you thinking, Mistah Remus?" Berihun frowned at the map Remus was staring at and then comprehension dawned on his face. "You thinking he went to the Ethiopian Highlands?"

"I don't know exactly what Sirius was looking for, but my research on the legendary dog-men state they lived in mountains in Ethiopia. That my own research has to do with things in this area, plus Sirius winding up in Ethiopia and mentioning the Nile is too coincidental. I realize there are a lot of mountainous areas in Ethiopia but I think with these clues, we should start there, in the Samien Mountains of the Highlands and work our way north into Eritrea if needs be." Remus pondered his plan a moment and then nodded, pleased with his conclusion.

Berihun considered and nodded too. "Yes, I think that's the best also. Who knows?" He grinned roguishly at Remus. "Maybe one of them gods of yours might pop up with a new clue."

"I only wish, though sometimes that's more hindrance than help," laughed Remus.

"Then I won't give you that lead I managed to bribe out of the ugliest nymph ever created by Poseidon, but don't tell him I said that." Remus and Berihun turned to stare in surprise at Hermes, dressed in the stupidest safari outfit ever invented by man or god. It was his tunic, but instead of being the purest white it was in khaki tan. Lace up boots came to his knee and a pith helmet replaced his jaunty cap. The gold feather, though, still waved in the slight river breeze, attached to the helmet by the grace of the god's force of will no doubt. His usual message bag was slung over a shoulder, along with a battered canteen made of battered gold and silver.

"My lord Hermes, you look ridiculous," Remus told the god with snort of laughter.

Hermes' eyes narrowed. "You want that clue or not?"

"Will it get me home to potions facilities that will heal these burns, bites and leech marks faster?" asked Severus from the doorway.

Hermes stared in horror. "You look absolutely hideous."

Severus sneered at him. "Regular Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?"

"For your suffering not only will I tell you that Remus' thoughts on location is absolutely correct but also add that he's been captured and is mortal peril." Hermes gave Severus a sympathetic look.

"And we have to save him why again?" Severus folded his arms akimbo and looked askance at the god. "Just snap your fingers and do the voodoo that you do."

Hermes heaved a melodramatic sigh. "Where's the fun in that?"

Severus gave a wicked smile that made Remus extremely nervous. "Fun?" echoed Severus angrily. "Leech, meet godling. Godling, meet leech." Severus tossed a slimy blob at the ridiculously dressed god, who squeaked in alarm and disappeared.

"I thought we got all those off you!" exclaimed Remus in alarm. 

Severus gave him an even look. "I was saving it for you, but it was more satisfying to throw it at the god irritant instead."

"Do not anger the gods, Severus," Berihun intoned in mocking sanctimonious fervor, "for you will make a good chew toy for Cerberus."

Severus surveyed his mangled body wryly. "Might be an improvement."

* * *

Sirius decided he was tired of waking up in creepy caves, though he didn't think this one led directly to the after life. However, on the creep-o-meter of one to ten, this one ranked a solid fifteen. What made it so was the honest-to-Merlin dog-headed humanoids pacing around him as he lie prone on what looked uncomfortably like a sacrificial stone slab, tied and chained with little hope of escape.

"Maybe we got off to a wrong start, me doing whatever it was that made you guys angry with me. Could we talk this over before I get hurt?"

The dog-men weren't very big, roughly the size of house elves but with a bit more muscular heft to them. They giggled a lot too. That was more than just disturbing. It was downright frightening. Dog-headed midgets shouldn't giggle around bound captives unless they wanted said captives to go into hysterics. 

"Help?" he whimpered in a tone that would have done a soprano proud.


	5. Chapter 5

December 22

"Absolutely beautiful," breathed Remus in wonder. "They remind me of Scottish Highlands!" The rocky hills around them as the three of them trekked the rugged landscape, hunting for signs of Sirius Black.

"Less gawking, more looking for mangy mutts," muttered Severus. "If he's not dead when we find him, I'm going to kill him in the most horrendous way possible."

"I hadn't thought of how we were going to...never mind." Remus pointed at Berihun, who was holding up Sirius' wand a few steps away from the other two wizards' position. "That's not good."

"It is Sirius Black's wand then?" asked Berihun.

"It is," confirmed Severus with a grunt.

"So we know he's in the vicinity." Remus scanned the hills around him. "The question is where would he be without his wand?"

"Many deep crags around here, I understand," Berihun told them, also studying the landscape. "I don't know the area very well, but I am familiar with it. I've been here a few times, but I never did in-depth scouting. You say old tales state they lived in caves or caverns?"

"Or huts, but I would imagine caves are better these days, with Muggles everywhere," Remus supplied.

"This way, I know of a group of caves this way." Berihun led the way and Remus and Severus followed doggedly.

With frequent stops to look for clues and to admire the views before their eyes, the rescue party trudged along determinedly. Reaching the caves, Berihun morphed into his animagus form of a meerkat and darted into the caves. Several long minutes later, the tiny animal bounded from the cave opening, becoming human once more. Brown eyes glittered. "He's down there, as are those dog-men!" he told them excitedly. "They have him bound, he looks weak but not ill-treated. He looks better than you do," he added to Severus, who glowered. "I recognize what they have him bound with. It's old magic, from the time before Europeans started colonizing Africa. It binds a shape-shifter to human form. You say he's an animagus?" Both men nodded. "He cannot transform while in those chains. Probably why he has not escaped."

"How do we get him out?" asked Severus with a considering frown. "We don't want to go in there, wands blazing."

The three men considered a long moment. "How about if I go in and look for a way to get to him and find out more about how many is in there? More scouting, yes?" suggested Berihun. "He looks in no immediate danger."

Remus scrubbed a hand over his tired face. They'd been on this trek with all its stresses and downturns for over a week. Adding his previous hard work in the Caucasus Mountains, he was exhausted. "Yes, we'll hide among the rocks and wait for you to come out."

Berihun morphed into his meerkat form once more and darted into the cave's shadowy depths. 

"Wonderful," groused Severus as he clambered into a crevice on a hillock overlooking the cave's entrance. "This has all the earmarks of unmitigated disaster. I don't like it. It's feels like a setup."

Remus had just settled down as comfortably as he could in the shaded area of a rock outcropping but Severus' words caused him to sit up straight. "What did you say?"

Severus blinked at him, his black eyes reflecting the exhaustion and discomfort Remus knew lurked in his own brown eyes. "I said this smells like a setup to disaster."

"Severus," Remus drawled out slowly as his brain worked furiously, "what kind of god is Hermes?"

* * *

"Uh-oh!" singsonged Apollo gleefully, nudging his brother hard in the ribs. Hermes winced and rubbed the offended body part. "Busted!"

"Took them long enough. Wasn't even the cleverest scheme I've ever come up with," muttered Hermes in disgust.

"Yes, this one pretty proves you are really out of practice, brother mine," agreed Apollo, highly amused.

"Do you like your cattle where they are, Apollo?" Hermes asked with an arched brow. Apollo stopped laughing. 

The last time Hermes messed with his herd of bovine it was in the trickster god's infancy. He'd reversed the hooves of Apollo's cattle, leading them to a secret cave, confusing Apollo as to their direction. In order to soothe Apollo's anger, especially when Zeus also found the trick amusing and refused to punish the god-tyke, Hermes had given Apollo his beautiful lyre. To maintain the peace and to show he forgave his half-brother, Apollo gave Hermes the golden rod he used to guide his cattle. Which meant Hermes had control of where Apollo's cattle went. Apollo liked his cows right where they were.

"You two are such babies," sniffed Aphrodite. "Oh look! Love is in the air!"

The two gods looked where their sister pointed. "They look murderous to me," noted Apollo with a grin. 

"I'm pretty sure mortals don't look like that right before they kiss, sister dear."

Aphrodite only smiled.

* * *

"So we've been tricked." Remus thought Severus' four word summation, delivered with a healthy amount of disgust, was more than adequate now that they'd puzzled it out. "The question is why?"

They thought about it. In the hot sun, it was hard work. It was also boring. "I have no idea." Remus shot a glance at Severus. "When you kissed me a couple days ago?" Severus arched an inquisitive eyebrow. "Do you think there's still a chance for us?"

"If we get the mutt out alive, he's paying for us a nice vacation to someplace where I don't find leeches or mosquitoes," Severus stated unequivocally. 

"Us?" asked Remus softly.

"Us," Severus stated firmly. "Unless you have objections, dunderhead."

Remus grinned. "No, none whatsoever." He leaned over and kissed Severus on the lips, mouths parting and breath mingling for a long, heavenly moment. Mindful of Severus' skin discomforts, Remus allowed his hands to travel over Severus' chest, fingers searching for skin beneath the cotton shirt.

Severus gasped at the touch of Remus' fingers, eager to feel them once more as he'd longed to in his lonely bed and moments of weakness. His teeth latched gently onto Remus' ear, tugging and nibbling, as he knew Remus liked. They groped each other awkwardly for a few minutes, their eagerness to be with each other once more overriding any other emotion.

"You on top," panted Remus. "You'll be more comfortable."

"Don't care," gasped Severus, as he obliged. 

They molded together as if the years apart never happened. Even clothed each knew what the other wanted, how the other would react, how to drive the other wild. Waistbands were loosened and they stroked each other, lips sealed, tongues fencing, and eyes closed in ecstasy. The friction of their touching each other raised their passion to a fevered pitch and Severus began rocking back and forth frenetically. They gasped, clutching each other, eyes locked just before that moment they went over the edge. Remus went first, pulling Severus' head down and burying his own face in the slender, sunburned neck. The scent of his release filled his nostrils and Severus came shortly after, a hoarse cry bursting from his open lips, black eyes going glassy with his orgasm.

"Sirius was right," Remus breathed. "We were fools to walk away from this." Severus turned his head and they kissed, a long, lingering kiss.

* * *

"When was the last time you two got laid?" asked Aphrodite to her two stunned stupid brothers. "He should be given the good news, don't you think, Hermes? " She snapped her fingers and in her hand a fuzzy pink parka appeared. She held it out to Hermes, who snorted in derision and fluttered away with what was left of his dignity.

"You are a cruel, cruel woman," Apollo told her. She smirked.


	6. Chapter 6

Berihun left his hiding place just inside the cave's entrance where he'd been waiting the entire time. He made his way passed the dog-men and leaped nimbly onto the stone slab next to Sirius. He chattered to wake the man up. When Sirius' grey eyes focused on him, Berihun turned into his human guise.

"Did it work?" Sirius asked around a yawn. "I sure hope so, because this is starting to seriously suck." He tugged his bound arms and legs.

"Do you want the details?" Berihun asked with a mischievous smile.

Sirius shuddered. "Gods, no."

"You're just jealous," Berihun told him dryly, loosening his bindings. "So how do you want the rescue mounted?"

"I don't care, just make it snappy. I want a real bed to sleep in tonight," Sirius told him grumpily.

"You rush a miracle, you get rotten miracles," Berihun told him. "I'll bring in the cavalry." He air quoted around the word 'cavalry'. 

Berihun transformed back into the meerkat and darted through the cave back outdoors and toward the exhausted lovers. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked, transforming and making both Remus and Severus squeak in alarm.

"No, we're done," snorted Remus, once he got his heart palpitations under control. 

"We are about to storm an underground fortress and you two are making out in the bushes." Berihun shook his head in disgust.

Severus contemplated him as he zipped up his pants. "Minerva has a bit of a prankster streak in her on rare occasions," he commented languidly. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Berihun?" Berihun's smile slid from his face.

"Does she?" Remus asked in mild surprise. "Huh. More pieces began falling into place. So which one are you?" He directed the question at the tall black man shifting his weight.

"I do not understand the question," Berihun hedged.

"Sure you do," Severus corrected him in an amiable tone that should have sent warning bells skittering down the man's spine. "Berihun means 'guide', or some variation thereof? Typical trickster disguise, using obvious names." He studied the man who was now staring at them with glittering chocolate eyes and a mouth almost twitching into a grin. "Eshu?"

Berihun let out a belly laugh that rolled like thunder. "Very good," he acknowledged. "What gave it away?"

"Things were falling into place a little too well and Hermes hasn't once this whole trip tried to freefall drop me anywhere," Remus replied. 

"It was awful convenient that the right clues showed up just as we were floundering, we had a guide who professed to know little of the area except exactly where we needed to go," Severus continued.

"And it's odd that only we, whom Sirius has been trying to get back together since we broke apart, could find him and save him," concluded Remus, tucking his shirt in. "So is it time to storm the Bastille, save the damned dog in distress, and ride away into the sunset, or can we dispense with further comic relief and get this over with?"

"We've reconciled and are going to give each other another chance," Severus stated with an arch look at a sheepish Remus. "I want to go home and slather a ton of potions all over my body and-"

"Can I help?" Remus asked hopefully. Severus gave him a stern look.

Berihun gave another belly laugh. "Follow the cave tunnel to him, untie him and go home with my blessings," the ancient African trickster god chortled. "My debt to Hermes is paid."

The two wizards watched as the deity loped off like a rabbit, his body eventually turning into a giant hare, bounding away into the dusk. Remus and Severus traded disgusted glances, simultaneously lit their wands and went to get Sirius from his imprisonment.

* * *

On Christmas morning, comfortably ensconced in Spinner's End, Severus slathered in the foulest smelling gunk Sirius ever sniffed in human or canine form, everyone was feeling better about the world in general. Except for Remus' innate curiosity.

"How'd you do it, Sirius?" asked Remus, tucking a stray strand of Severus' hair behind an ear and out the Potions Master's mud masked face.

"Do what?" he asked innocently.

"Pull this off with the help of two deities," Severus jibed.

"Two?" he asked around a swig of butterbeer. They stared at him. "This started with a letter to Santa!"

Severus sputtered while Remus let out a hoot of laughter. "You are joking," Remus laughed.

Sirius shook his head, slightly putout. "I merely informed Father Christmas that due to my unjust imprisonment and near death, I deserved an extra nice wish for a Christmas present. Imagine my surprise when he arrived at my flat in London with Hermes in tow. He said Hermes was going to grant my wish but I had to follow the Olympian's plan to the letter."

"Never a good thing," Remus noted. "Trickster, y'know."

"Well, it's not like I didn't have warning." Sirius told them about his meeting with Hermes at the River Styx right before Severus pulled him back into the world of the living. "His exact words were that Severus was going to save my life so that I may save both of yours," Sirius finished. "I figured that neither one of you were actually living, just existing. Even though I still have no idea what Remus sees in you, Snape, you make him happy and he you." Sirius shrugged. "We've all gotten crap deals out of life, I saw no reason that you two should be miserable for all of it when you had the chance to be happy and content."

Sirius' face softened as he looked at the two of them snuggled on Severus' ancient sofa. "And you two are happy and content together, right?" Remus smiled back while Severus only gave him a steady, unthreatening stare, which was as close to compromise as Sirius was going to get in that quarter. "I thought so," he nodded with the air of satisfaction.

"I just have one question," Remus mused, running his fingers through Severus' hair idly.

"Only one?" snorted Severus. "I have at least a solid dozen."

"Why did Hermes agree to help Father Christmas?"

"I disrupted his flight pattern one year by accident and put off the gifting schedule by twenty minutes," answered Hermes from behind Remus, causing the werewolf to start, dumping Severus onto the floor.

"I realize you are a god and are due proper accord," Remus told the deity in exasperation, "but will you please stop doing that?" Hermes only smirked.

Sirius stared at Hermes in disbelief. "Let me get this straight. You messed up his schedule for delivering gifts and he's held this boon over you until now?"

Hermes gave a melodramatic shudder. "Four hundred miserable years of listening to Apollo laugh at me. It's not my fault Narcissus' chariot team is wild. The god does nothing with his team, just sits in front of that stupid mirror all day and night," groused Hermes. "Went to exercise, a spin around the world and whoops, right in Santa's flight path. Next thing I know, we're both in orbit around some asteroid by Mars and I'm faced with one ticked off saint."

All three wizards roared with laughter. Remus wiped tears from his eyes as Severus settled his head back in Remus' lap, mud mask on his face smeared from both the fall and scrunching his face with mirth.

"Well, thank you for the favor, Hermes," Sirius said once he was calm. "It is most appreciated."

"Next time you have a wish," Hermes advised, "sacrifice a damned goat and we'll all be better off. Remus, dog-men don't exist, take it from me, I would know. Now barometzes...." With a sly grin and a flourish, he presented all three wizards with scrolls rolled onto solid gold scroll holders. "Happy whatever holiday this is to you, wizards, and I hope next year is less eventful for all."

"The same to you, Hermes."

"Thank you, Hermes."

"How many goats again?" Hermes gave Sirius a scowl and departed on winged sandals.

Cautiously, they opened their scrolls to find three honest-to-goodness blessings from Apollo.

Sirius' read: May your wish for love come true without blame, for life without friendship is truly a shame.

Remus' read: Joy is yours if you seek to find, let not love's challenge leave you blind.

And Severus' read: Love's return with the olive branch of peace, friendship discovered and grudges will cease.

Remus glanced up at the calendar. It read December 24, Christmas Eve. "Happy Christmas, my love," he said to Severus. "And Happy Christmas to you, my friend."

Sirius and Severus eyed each other a moment. "Peace and goodwill," Severus said cautiously.

"To animagi and Potions Masters," agreed Sirius with a grin.


End file.
